The theme for the Free Format section was "Morning Habits"
The results are out. It managed a total of 5 points. Not too bad, I guessed. There even was a comment : **i did a few t'ai chi classes with my daughter a number of years ago, and remember the lovely calming feel of the exercises. i like the juxtaposition of the natural movement of the mantis here **
I would like to thank those readers who voted for me, especially the one who wrote the above comment. :)
photo by boqueron
image from morguefile.com
t'ai chi
This was the one that was submitted :
t'ai chi at sunrise -
a mantis
dances in the morning
This was the original draft.
t'ai chi
just before the sun rises
a mantis
dances in the morning
11/05/2012
**********
Which one is better, what do you think?
Doesn't seem to have much of a difference, does it? For the submission, I sent in a 3 lined work, to keep to the tradition, but I am actually leaning towards the original draft.
© cheong lee san ( dsnake1 ), 2012
6 comments:
:) i have never tried a haiku...u inspire me to try one...
i think you will have no problems with that. :)
Interesting that the mantis can mean the insect, the man doing the ta chi or the form of it. Very cool, dsnake. :)
tai chi is a form of exercise where its movements are graceful, as in a dance, but at the same time it is also a martial art. when i wrote this, i was thinking the mantis can be the insect itself or the man doing the tai chi, but your comment adds a new dimension to it. it can mean the very form of the art itself. :)
thanks!
t'ai chi at sunrise -
a mantis
dances in the morning
This short 3 lines means alot!
I LOVE IT!
thank you, Jonathan, for your comments. glad you like the haiku. :)
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